I want to be healthy...I think?

Its week I don't even know of this healthy lifestyle change and I've fallen off the wagon hard. I think I may have JUMPED off the wagon head first, even.

One of my biggest rules for myself had been not to cheat.  A lot of members reward themselves weekly when they've done well.  My personality can't really handle that type of thing.  If I am going to purge something out of my system...I want it completely out of my life.  If there is any trace of it I'm likely to over indulge.  We're talking food, amongst other things.

I'm not certain where I went wrong but I'm making the connection that the word "lifestyle" encompasses so many things.  You have to be fully committed.  You have to cover all of the bases.

If you're a comfort eater then you need to have a plan for when life is sticking it to you.
If you're on a budget you have to know how to make your money stretch and you have to set goals in advance.  Eating healthy can be expensive but you can do it on a budget.

You really have to program yourself to say "no" to anything that is going to hinder your progress and more than anything...you have to honor that commitment.   Its a commitment that you are making to yourself.  You have to own your responsibility in the matter.  To eat better.  To make better decisions.  To give your body what it needs and deserves.  To take care of yourself.  Take...care...of...YOU!

You can join a million support groups.  You can buy the fanciest workout clothes.  You can download all the apps in the world.  It means nothing if you can't be honest with yourself.

Really?

My truth?  My weakness isn't sweets.  It isn't fast food.  It isn't fatty foods.  It's alcohol.

I buy a half gallon of vodka on a Friday night and it is gone on Sunday morning.

I plan my meals.  I go to the gym at night after I've fed my children and put them to bed.  I don't eat late at night.  I'm not a big snacker.  But...when I'm stressed...I drink.  When I'm bored...I drink.  When I'm mad at my significant other...I drink like its no tomorrow.  When I drink, the likelihood of me handling any of the things I need to do for myself ...decreases majorly.  I'm thinking about a drink as we speak, simply because writing this is awakening so many thoughts.

Whatever the case may be, I am reevaluating my commitment to myself.  I have no one to answer to but me.